The Fat Lady has Screamed

Actually, the fat lady screamed at me. It was one of those mornings when nothing seemed to be going right. I was running late for school and it was my day to drive.
Billy showed up on time to my Dad's house, but I was not even awake. When I lived with my Dad I had a door to my room from the outside of the house. Billy, being the impatient person he was walked around the house and banged on my door. I jumped out of bed and let him in the door. While he was lecturing me on the fact that I was making him late to school and affecting his overall well being in life, I was able to tune him out and get ready in a matter of five minutes. We ran to the car and headed down the road to school.
The ride to school consisted of the usual. The main topic was trying to figure out which class we were going to skip that day so we could leave early and go home. Then I would proceed to make fun of him for wanting to get an education and generally just the way he looks. You see, Billy is an odd looking individual. He stands about 6'4" and weighs 60 pounds. His walk has the gate of a giraffe. In fact now that I think about it he kind of looked like a giraffe.
So there I am driving down Nicholasville road with Geoffrey the giraffe headed for school. Traffic was pretty heavy with the new construction on the UK hospital, and my attention span was not up to snuff so early in the morning. While driving through the intersection of Nicholasville and red mile road, I noticed a city bus with a huge Long John Silver's advertisement on it. I am aware that that is not that big of a deal in today's time, but 10 years ago that was a new thing. For some reason I was drawn to the picture of the fillet of fish in a basket of crumbs. It was speaking to me in a way that I cannot explain, but we have all been there. That lost state of mind. All I could think about was taking a big bite of that bus. Then it happened.
The bus started to pull out in front of me. Being young and having the reaction time of a cat, I swerved out of the way and avoided the bus. The problem was that I was so concerned with the bus that I forgot to pay attention to what was going on in front of me. The light ahead was red. That's not the worst part. People had already started crossing the road. By the time I realized what was going on I had already run the red light. I slammed on my brakes and came to a screeching halt. Men and women where diving everywhere. Three of them hit the deck. But there was one lady that was so scared all she could do was freeze. She had the look of death. I would bet my lunch money that lady pissed her panty hose.
The next paragraph is not for children
Then there was the woman that decided she was going to teach me a lesson in driving. As I came to a complete stop, this rotund woman decided to lean down on the hood of my car, point to the light hanging above and tell me that the light was red. Remember, when I tell you the next part that I was young. The lady stared at me as if I was going to respond to her proclamation. Five or six seconds passed and she was still leaning on my car. Maybe she was tired from carrying the extra 400lbs and needed a place to rest her upper body, this of which I am not sure. But one thing was for sure, she had made her point and it was time for her to go. I then rolled down the window; once again she tells me the light is red. My response was as follows, I know its red, now get the $%&# off my car. She pushed off the hood of my car with the force of a buffalo and got out of the way. I then continued towards my destination of a higher education.
After leaving the incident I could tell Geoffrey was a little shaken up. I gave him a long stare with no response and said, what? After laughing our butts off, he said, well, that is definitely the Rutledge that I know.
This is a story that my sister has been longing for.
I for one do not find it that funny, but she believes it is the best I have in my arsenal. So I guess it is all downhill from here.